A Short Guide to Comparative Religions

Taoism: Shit happens.
Confucianism: Confucius say, "Shit happens."
Buddhism: If shit happens, it isn't really shit.
Zen Buddhism: What is the sound of shit happening?
Hinduism: This shit happened before.
Mormonism: This shit is going to happen again.
Islam: If shit happens, it is the Will of Allah.
Stoicism: This shit is its own reward.
Protestantism: Let this shit happen to someone else.
Calvinism: Shit happens because you don't work hard enough.
Pentecostalism: In Jesus' name, heal this shit!
Catholicism: Shit happens because you deserve it.
Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to us?
Zoroastrianism: Shit happens half the time.
Marxism: This shit is going to hit the fan.
Atheism: No shit.
Seventh Day Adventist: No shit on Saturdays.
Existentialism: Absurd shit.
Agnosticism: What is this shit?
Nihilism: Who gives a shit?
Deconstruction: Shit happens in hegemonic meta-narratives.
Christian Science: Shit is in your mind.
Moonies: Only happy shit really happens.
Jehovah's Witnesses: Knock, Knock, shit happens.
Scientology: Shit happens on page 152 of Dianetics by L. Ron Hubbard
Hare Krishna: Shit happens, Rama Rama.
Hedonism: There's nothing like a good shit happening.
Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this shit.